If politics is the business of social power, then gender politics is the business of
gender power in society.  So what can we conclude from the fact that today's gender
politics is basically the business of fixing things for women?

There seem to be only two possibe conclusions.  Either men don't have any gender
issues worth looking at, or women hold the power that matters between the genders
-- the power to set the gender agenda!  Much depends on which of these two we
choose.

Which one we choose hinges on whether we believe it is possible to exercise power
at the same time as being unaware of having any, since there is little doubt that
feminists sincerely believe women to have little public power, certainly not enough to
silence men and control the gender politics agenda.  Whcih comes down to whether
we understand the nature of the psyche, the fact that we can be unaware,
unconscious of much that drives our lives.

In my experience, only people who have begun working on themselves in their own
lives have this understanding.  It seems that it is only by personally discovering our
own unconscious do we get an appreciation of its nature.

I remember when I first discovered the reality of my unconscious.  It came as quite a
shock to me.  I was in a relationship with a woman (pretty dysfunctional, I now
realize), and we disagreed about something that was important to me.  I put the
relationship on the line over it.  (I donÕt even remember, now, what we were arguing
about.)  I said, ÒUnless you do what I wish on this, I will leave you.Ó  (Ugh, I really was
pretty screwed up back then!)  My girlfriend said, ÒYou are free to leave over it if you
need to, but IÕm not going to do what you want on this.Ó  (Bless her for her strength
and clarity!)

And then something strange happened.  I realized that I didnÕt want to leave her, that
I had no intention of leaving her, that my statement had just been a strategy to
intimidate her into doing what I wanted.  And I didnÕt know that when I said it.  In
other words, I realized that I lied to myself.  It was an epiphany.  I had discovered the
reality of my unconscious psyche in my life. 

That was the beginning of my personal growth, twenty years ago.  My life got much
better as I continued to discover the power of my unconscious dysfunctions, and to
reprogram myself. 

I think that the discovery of the personal unconscious is the key to becoming
functional -- to becoming sane, if you will.  Until we make that key discovery, our
unconscious basically runs us, ÒweÓ have no real choice in our lives.  We live out our
patterns, our programming from our childhood and from society, feeling like victims
much of the time and being unaware of the power that we have in the lives of others. 
Until we experience our own selves as two, as dual, we cannot relate to other people
in the world as other than objects.  Until we build a real relationship within ourselves,
we cannot make I / thou relationships with other people, to use Martin BuberÕs telling
phrase.

Mainstream gender politics is currently caught in unconscious I / it relationships,
where the protagonists are unaware that they are projecting their own issues out
onto others.  Feminists exploit the power they have over men without really realizing
that they have it, just as I attempted to exploit the power I imagined I had with my
girlfriend, all the while feeling justified because I was right, damnit!  And none of the
players, neither the womenÕs advocates nor the men who go along because they
have women on a moral pedestal and need their approval (without realizing that
about themselves, of course).  When people are still unconscious, you need to look
below the surface to know who has the power.  Look at the suicide statistics.  Look at
the dropout rates.  Look at the health statistics.  Look at longevity data.  Stick stress
sensors on people and look at physiological signs of stress (persperiation, heart rate,
etc.) rather than the images of themselves that people are showing to the world. 
Unconscious people are like poker players: they are trying to bluff their way through
life.

When you do these things, you discover that women are at least as powerful as men,
and more powerful in matters of gender politics.  And you also discover that neither
gender knows this.  What an amazing situation!  Unconsciousness rules!

How do people wake up?  Yes, that is the key question.  I don't think that there is any
sure-fire way to wake people up, but treating them honestly and calling their bluff (as
my girlfriend did to me) is powerful.  Loving who they really are, and seeing past who
they pretend to be, is powerful.  For men, that tends to mean seeing the weaknesses
and vulnerabilities that they hide.  For women, it tends to mean seeing the power and
accountability that they hide.

This is by no means easy work.  The system that rewards us for staying in the
unconsciius dance of codependence is compelling.  But it is possible to wake up, and
helping others to wake up is perhaps the most meaningul work we can do.  My
personal mission is to find ways to move that work into many parts of society,
including the corporate, and to find ways to make money doing it.