Soulmate or Cell~mate, You Make the Choice. A guide to Healthy Relationships. By Jackie Woods, Jackie, Columbus, NC: Adawehi Press, 2006. 245 pages, US $19.95     www.jackiewoods.org. Reviewed by Kathleen Kevany

In, Soulmate or Cell~mate, Jackie Woods provides the reader with rich material, in a more focused book, than many others in the genre of ‘finding the perfect relationship’. Soulmate or Cell~mate, may not be for those who seek their happiness in others. Or maybe this is just the book the doctor ordered! Jackie Woods focuses on the immense array of human energies and the power and responsibility each person possesses to project the energies they desire in their lives. The richness of the book causes the offering of a few observations and select examples, to be grossly inadequate. The author writes from the vantage point of years of thoughtful and seemingly successful experience working with couples.

The caution for the reader is that she speaks of love and of success in a language that may not be familiar to many of her readers. It is fluidly written and easy to read, but not easily understood. I find her language and figures of speech, at times, to be confusing. Like, “If your forms aren’t filled with real energies, meaning your energies aren’t filling forms that fit, then you have no space” (p.34). This statement is unclear to me. What does ‘you have no space’ mean or what does ‘filling forms’ look like in real life?

Now, I am not sure who would be attracted to a book called, “Soulmate or Cell~mate, You Make the Choice. A guide to Healthy Relationships.” Maybe it is for people looking for what it takes to succeed in their current relationships or for those who want to know where they may have gone wrong in their past ones, or perhaps just those who are ‘shopping’. For whoever is inclined to read it, you will find gems worth the time.

One of the primary messages Jackie Wood provides us is that it is a serious flaw or weakness, if in our relationship we expect the ‘other’ to make us happy. No one’s happiness needs to be dependent on another or be subordinated to the other. Instead, we ought to focus on creating full individual selves and invest collectively in what Jackie Woods describes as a third entity, ‘The Rich Relationship’.

She wisely advises her readers that for Love to flourish in relationship, we must give up day dreams of it always being rosy and joyful. She wisely reminds us that we create our own dissatisfaction if we rely too heavily on one relationship, one person, to bring soul fulfillment. Her almost stern warning, reminds us to assume a healthy non-attachment to outcomes. We have heard that before, but her persuasive reminder is worth heeding, yet again. Well, at least it was for this reader.

Ms. Woods goes to some limits to explain that for you to experience an energy exchange relationship, both of you need to be in the same energy and have the intent of connecting. How you do it can differ, as long as the joint focus is on the shared energy. Kindness, Patience, Wisdom, Strength, Honesty, are examples of some of Heart Energies that ‘are the birthright of your Heart’, according to Jackie Woods. “It is up to you to let them teach you how they want to express through you. There is no handbook of heart energy rules that is tailored to fit everyone” (p.85). Take up the challenge and own the responsibility for the energies you possess and express them. But remain alert to the fact that the diversity in people prompts unique and different expressions of the same Heart Energies. Nurturing, for example, “to one person may mean jogging together or working out together in the gym, while to another it may mean having his or her feet massaged or taking a bath together…it is vital that you know what forms the energy is best packaged in for the other person” (p.124).

While many helpful tips can be gleaned from this book, there remains much to contend with that is not so helpful. Yet I found useful gems. To trust the real means I must distrust the unreal. And so it must be. Rather an important acknowledgement to make along the path of life.

If you cannot offer Love, Support, Play, Commitment, etc., from a full supply within yourself, then you are not ready for a meaningful and satisfying relationship. If you can, you are ready to co-create a third entity, a new space where together, the two of you form a loving and caring relationship.

Jackie Woods urges her readers to project not your emotional wants, instead project from who you are as energies of the Heart. It is the whole mix of realness with all your faults and virtues combined that makes an interesting package. Shadow and light sections give our lives depth. The patterns don’t have to be graceful and charming, just filled with realness (p. 210).

The most important questions are, ‘who are you?’ and ‘what are you willing to bring to relationship?’. “All too often there is more attention given to what you want rather than who you are…But focus brought to who you are magnetizes that energy, and pulls to you exactly what and who you need energetically” (p. 242). In this book you may find that her recipe may work for you to come to know yourself better and what a bonus, to also form better, healthier relationships. It is worth a try.